steady now

So I realized today that not only would I personally love it if my husband could try this pregnant body on for size, but that actually he would be better at it.

I am a little ball of stress for the most part. Usually, my insides are gnarled up, worrying about a project at work, a family member who is sad, whether or not I'm going to trip down the stairs. I tend to worry, worry, worry. This may be because disaster tends to follow me. If there's something to trip over, I will find myself on my face. Even when I attempt to avoid disaster by stepping over an obstacle in view.

So being pregnant, while it has its physical stresses (HOLY CRUD, I SWEAR MY STOMACH GREW AN INCH - IN AN HOUR), the mental and emotional stress is something that tends to wipe me out. More than once, Jess has found his wife in a heap of sobs, not because I'm feeling particularly irrational, as pregnant women are wont to do, but mostly because I'm worried. When something in my body feels off or hurt, I no longer have the regular stress of thinking about my own needs, but also of a little person. Who I can't see. Who I can't cater to because I have no way to even guess its needs at this point.

Last week I started feeling some strange pain-like feelings in my abdomen. Pain of any sort in any part of one's belly when one is with child is generally a reason to have a STRESS FEST. But I asked my BFF Google what might be wrong and came to the pretty certain conclusion that it was simply round ligament pain. Bothersome, but manageable. But when the pain began to resonate more soundly on the left side of my abdomen, I began to worry. Of course. I mean appendicitis is often indicated by pain in the right, so maybe there's some random problem in pregnancy indicated by left side discomfort?? I tried not to stress, and Jess was good at convincing me I was okay, but after a few days, I called the nurse. She listened to my symptoms and then assured me that she was positive I was dealing with round ligament pain.

It's a relatively common pregnancy side effect, but it still causes me stress (and sometimes severe discomfort). Sometimes I lay on the bed just holding my belly waiting for a nudge, as though Baby might feel me. Just to know that even though my body is under physical strain, Baby is still rolling around. And Jess remains calm through it all. Granted, he doesn't have the growing belly and its accompanying side effects, but he remains steadily confident that my body will be strong, that the baby will keep kicking. He talks to my belly without doubt or question, patient to wait for Baby's arrival.

I'm grateful for the steady nature of my husband and wish I could find a bit of steadiness in my own stressful existence. I'm confident that he'd be amazing at this carrying a child task simply because he is good at removing undue stress from his life, at remaining calm, at not tripping over unseen objects. But I suppose I'll take this job for now, and I'll remain grateful that when Baby is here, Jess will still be steady, a steady husband, a steady dad, the steadiness that I need.