i'll take the sliced hammer

So we made our weekly trek to Sam's Club. And while we were walking down the aisle of huge hunks of cow, shrink wrapped and ready for carniverous consumption (ah, the alliteration), we hear over the loudspeaker: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you're interested in receiving a free paring knife - that's right I said free - just head on over to the red table, located next the potato chips and the wine, just in front of the bakery." I kept walking, but Jess was like, "Hey, it's free!"

FREEEEEE STUFFFFF!

So I listen to this dude make the announcement a few more times, and when he said it was my "last and final" (as opposed to my last and first?) chance to win a free paring knife, valued at FIVE NINETY NINE, I made my way over to the bakery area, next to the wine and the potato chips, and told the husband he'd have his knife.

So the dude jumps into his booth and starts making clever quips. And before we know it, dude is CUTTING A HAMMER with a stainless steel knife. A hammer folks. Then he whips out a tomato, slices it thinly (with the same knife), grabs the skewering knife and skins the other half of the tomato, and I'm like, as long as you don't want my first born child (I have my limits people), I'LL TAKE IT.

And so before you could say "smooth talking con artist," Jess found himself purchasing a lovely set of knives (with bonus Eurochopper, for buying NOW). So now not only can I slice tomatoes at the speed of lightning, but we can also serve sliced hammer, should our guests appreciate such fare.

And Jess has his free knife.