vindication

So for most of Annabelle's life, I've been on nighttime baby duty. She is bottle fed, so Jess could do it, and it isn't that he wouldn't. It's mostly that I hear every little sound she makes (no she isn't in our room - other side of the apartment, actually - and no, I don't have a baby monitor), so I know the instant that she wakes up or breathes weird or turns over or moves a toe. Instead of waiting for him to hear her, I just find it much easier to get up and get 'er done. Plus, there is a part of me that loves our quiet little moments at night. When she was small, I treasured these moments especially. They were just so magical, even when I was exhausted.

I've also learned that motherhood is just exhausting, period. Even when she was sleeping through the night, I was constantly tired. I figure if I'm going to be wiped out either way, I might as well enjoy a few minutes with my sweet baby, even if those minutes do occur in the 2:00 a.m. hour.

At Belle's nine month check up, the doctor asked how she was doing generally. I mentioned that she had gone backwards in terms of sleeping and quite often ate once in the middle of the night (she started sleeping through the night at about three months). The doc raised her eyebrows and said that at her size (she's over the ninety-ninth percentiles on all accounts, weighs 25 pounds), she really doesn't need to eat, that it was probably more of a comfort thing. She asked who got up with her at night. Me. She asked if I stayed home with her. Yes. She asked if she's a momma's girl. Why, yes, yes she is.

So she suggested that Jess get up with her. She was guessing that she's had months to learn that if she cries at night, Momma will feed her, but if Jess was the one to rescue her, she probably wouldn't NEED to eat. When I got home and reported this to Jess, he gladly said he'd oblige. So when she began the whining at 2:30 a.m., Jess went and got her. He rocked her and snuggled her for a while, and she did indeed go back to sleep.

At 5:15 a.m. I nudged Jess to let him know that I was off to my spinning class and to remind him that he was still on baby duty. He rolled over, cracked his eyelids open, and said, "I...am...SO...tired."

I left the apartment with a smile, vindication trailing behind me.