superhuman

So 2014. It's been good to us in many ways already. But also not.

We've been ill like basically every other week. We're sick, we recover, we're sick, we recover. The good news? By the end of this winter, we should have effectively fought every single friggin virus transferable by preschoolers, and should thus be superhumans next year?

Right?

It's been exhausting. But it's given me cause for a lot of reflection. Because really, I can't do anything else. Sitting up all night for nights in a row, holding a tiny body that can't stop coughing, my thoughts are all I have to keep me company. 

For one thing, I've thought a lot about these mortal bodies of ours. During one particularly bad night, as I sat bleary eyed, rocking Lou while her body fought and convulsed with coughs, Jess walked in with anointing oil. He gave her a blessing of healing. Interestingly enough, he did not bless her to be healed rightnow. He told me later that he wanted to, oh how he wanted to make his baby well, but he couldn't. He gave the blessing that he felt in his heart and mind. And it was something like this - you are blessed with a healthy and strong body that will from time to time become ill. But your body is a gift and it will fight and overcome.

I can't stop thinking about it really. My body is diseased every day. It doesn't go away, and I essentially fight it every day. Some days I don't give it a thought. But some days I do. I'm regularly making adjustments and revamping my life to better accommodate the little glitch in my system. But at the end of the day, even the exhausting days where my bones ache with a sort of exhaustion that only Hashimoto's can dish up, I realize, I did it. I used this body - a gift - the best I could. I clothed and bathed babies. I read with them. I prepared meals. I exercised. I hugged my husband. I cleaned toilets. I made projects. I edited. I sang and I danced. I pushed a vacuum. All with this body. There are definitely some days I do better than others, but the point is, my body keeps fighting.

And so while 2014 hasn't yet been easy on us, it's okay. I'm grateful for these bodies that are indeed miraculous and have the capacity to fight. I'm also grateful for doctors and medicine and little tender mercies that make the hard days bearable. I'm also grateful for the way illness makes us slow down, sit down, be quiet. Snuggle. Forget the to do lists that are usually more like anxiety lists anyhow.

In the end, all will be well. Even if it's only well every other week. :)