resolutions

So I customarily do not sit down and write down New Year's resolutions. I really hate failing. And having things permanently written down staring at me all year? Those are just etches on paper daring me to fail. So I never do it. This year, however, I made secret, silent goals. Some made deep down inside that I knew I couldn't mention to a soul for the sharp fear of failing. But here are a few:

+ Learn to bake bread. I not only did this - I MASTERED IT. And believe me when I say I was terrified to try. So silly. But my whole grain wheat bread (Bosch's version) was the stuff of freakin legends. I'm kind of slobbering thinking about it.

That said, I also stopped baking bread this year. Because mid year I made a new goal:

+ Go gluten free. Forever. I started researching my disease and found that a gluten free diet would likely drastically improve my outlook if not my attitude. It has. And I dropped a couple pounds too, which I ain't complaining about.

Here's a side story: on Christmas Eve, when we visited Gram, she had a breakfast souffle that had been waiting for someone to eat it. All day. And she was all, "And there's no flour!" I didn't have the heart to tell her that the bread on the bottom had flour in it. And I ate a ton. The poor woman had been waiting so long for someone to feed.

I was sick as a dog that night. And broke out in giant acne three days later. Gluten free really is amazing guys. It's really hard to start. But it's not bad after a while. And you feel so so great. I have more energy, my stomach doesn't get bloaty, and my face is super clear. And if you search, there are great recipes out there that are gluten free. I will say that it is not cheap to be gluten free, however.

+ Run one mile. I mentioned this to my walking friend in the first months of the year. And she was all, let's go. I will never forget how my lungs burned when my feet actually left the earth for the first time in years. Like a painful re-awakening. But I loved it. I ran a few miles a day for several months. I also ran a 10K. I also stopped running altogether. And that brings us to the next goal.

+ Buy a house. This was contingent on God's timing and my husband's willingness. So mostly this goal involved lots of prayer. And my prayer was this: please please let us find a house by Christmas. My prayer was answered, and we indeed moved in weeks before Christmas. It couldn't have been a more chaotic time, and during the busy-ness of moving and packing, I stopped running. I started up a bit again, but found it to be freezing. So I'm back on the bike. Ohmygosh. I forgot how much I love my bike. Not to mention the fact that my sweat doesn't freeze in icicles on my face.

+ Read more. I couldn't even force myself to put a number to the books I should read. But my mind missed reading so much. I did indeed read a handful of books. More on that later.

+ Start a design business. I actively tried to not think about this for most of the year. So intimidating. So many ways to fail. But a few friends and my family told me I could do it. So I tried. And it worked. And I love it. I'm currently creating new inventory and loving every (midnight) second of it. 

And here are a few I failed at (that I'm willing to own up to):

+ Learn to embroider. I think this somewhat lost art is so beautiful. I'm still determined to learn how.

+ Become immersed in the scriptures. I hate that I failed at this. But I love the opportunity to renew and start over. I will try again.  Annabelle and I successfully read the children's Book of Mormon last year, which I loved. We've started again this year, and I'm trying to pair it with real reading that coincides with the stories she's learning. 

+ Attend the temple with Jess once a month. We did go a handful of times, which is a handful more than we went the year prior. So we made progress, but much more to be made here.

And I've got a new list of mental goals stored up this year as well. I feel like 2013 is going to be epic. Don't you think?

service

This afternoon, I got a whiff of Annabelle's breath, and was like, "Oh hey death breath." I should back up. When I was young, I had strep throat like all the time. You see, my tonsils were the size of melons and acted like giant magnets for infection and germs. Whenever I'd open my mouth at the dentist or doctor, they'd always go "WHOA! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE TONSILS!" Yeah, yeah. It got so bad that in eighth grade, my doctor finally recommended I have them removed.

So back to the death breath. When there's awesome viruses or bacteria living on your throat, and they get too active or close to the mouth, it smells like DEATH. It's horrible. Believe me, I smelled it on myself after years of strep. You know someone's breath when they've been fasting right? That's like a lovely breath of fresh lavender compared to the death breath. So I broke out my handy dandy flashlight, and one peek revealed a fair amount of white fuzz. Yay! Our pediatrician was able to fit her in at the end of the day.

I should mention here as well - Annabelle's had a stuffy nose and occasional cough for a week. The kind that almost every child under five has all winter. She wasn't lethargic, there was no fever, and she was eating and sleeping totally normal. I should also mention - because her diagnosis is not actually important to this story - that it's just a giant cold turned nasty virus. It's not strep throat. It's just really gross and has become visible on her tonsils.

So back to the doctor. Our pediatrician was running a little behind, so we sat in the waiting room watching a Disney movie. Belle was secretly thrilled I think. It was like movie night WITHOUT Lolly up in her grill! She laid her head on my lap and smiled up at me every once in a while. She had on her brave face and I could see that she was storing up her courage for her examination.

While we waited, I noticed a dad chasing his little girl around. She couldn't have been more than three years old. A cute little thing, and he was a cute dad. Several minutes into our wait, a woman walked in. The little girl ran to her and said "Mommy!" and got a hug. The mom's first words? "So what's going on with her hair here?" As they sat there, I noticed tension. Thick, obvious, awkward tension. This was later confirmed when I heard the man mention something about "mom's or daddy's house."

At one point, the little girl motioned up high to some magazines and asked her mom who was mostly ignoring her if she could see one. The mom said, and I quote: "Oh, I'm sorry. I signed up to be your mother, not your personal servant." My heart actually ached. She's just a little girl! I shot the woman a deathly glare and noticed that I had also unconsciously hugged Belle closer. The mother threw her head in the air and pursed her lips. Seconds passed. I glared. She tossed her head, cleared her throat, and started playing nice. She got the magazine for her little girl, and looked at the pictures of the babies with her.

All the while, my heart just died a little. If I could talk to this woman, I'd want to ask her something: If we - as mothers - do not serve our babies, WHO WILL? They're small, incapable of reaching the top shelf. They can't tie their shoes or brush their teeth unless we teach them. They don't understand that the oven is hot unless someone is there to show them the difference between hot and cold. When we choose to bring babies into this world, I believe we choose to live a life of service. I'm not saying that our children shouldn't learn to be independent, that they shouldn't learn the value of rewards and consequences and a job well done, or that they should be waited on hand and foot. These are all valuable and vital lessons. But in the moments where our babies need help, we signed up to be there unconditionally. 

I'm thirty-one years old. And to this day, I really heavily on my own mother. For support, encouragement, advice, validation. For unconditional love. And her service to me has not ended just because I'm grown. 

I'm so very grateful to have the opportunity to serve these precious little people. I vow to always, always be there when the book is too high to reach. There is nothing more valuable I can do as a mother than to be of service when they need me. And I vow to do so for forever.

christmas in pictures

We went to Papa's house for a Christmas Eve celebration, and guess who paid us a visit?! Here's the best part - this is the very same Santa that paid little Jess visits each Christmas Eve. Oh nostalgia. My girls were sufficiently terrified of him, and this is as close as they got. Belle managed to quell her screams, but Lou not so much. There was no way they'd be climbing on his knee. Secretly I'm just fine with that, as I prefer that they're scared of strangers, especially ones in crazy get ups and disguises.

This is the lovely little snow-covered house we arrived home to after Santa's visit. And I should explain our 3/4 curtains-no blinds on the windows. You see, out those windows is a beautiful view that we really don't want to shut out. The curtains are placed precisely where Jess and I can see over. (When my mom and sister visited, they had to jump to see. :) ) Just before we went to bed, in the wee hours after wrapping way too many presents for our spoiled girls, Jess snapped this out Annabelle's window:

I know, right? We pretty much want to live here forever.

My sisters were so clever this year. Danielle gave the girls a giant stack of Clifford the Big Red Dog books (ebay score), and Rissa gave Belle a Clifford dog. She was mildly thrilled, as you can see.

This was Lou's first Christmas of sort of understanding the concept - rip it open to find STUUUFFFFF! Here, Rissa gave Lou a Llama Llama book and maybe the most awesome llama toy ever in the world. She walks around with it going, "Mama Mama. Mama Mama."  I secretly covet that stuffed animal at least five times a day.

Just days before Christmas, Annabelle suddenly decided she wanted three things, and three things only:

1. A Merida barbie. Fail.

2. A Giselle (from Enchanted) dress. Fail. This doesn't even exist. Santa hoped just the DVD would suffice.

3. A toy vacuum. Yay! Grandma Cheney was giving her one.

So on Christmas Eve, Jess found himself at Target, staring down a wall of Barbies. And girlfriend got her dang Merida barbie. She couldn't have been happier about a gift. She didn't say a word about the missing Giselle dress. But get this. When we got to Papa's house that afternoon to open gifts, she proudly carried Merida in. And when asked, "So Santa brought you a Merida doll!!?" She said, quietly, "Yeah. But not the Giselle dress."

Of course we're all big fat huge suckers...

...And Grandma Cheney pulled a giant rabbit out of her hat. And look! Santa brought a Giselle dress to Papa's house! Silly Santa! (This is actually the dress that Courtney, my youngest sister-in-law, wore at my wedding. How's that for perfect?) She practically swooned.

After Papa's, we paid a visit to Gram, who had food and wassail waiting for visitors. We stayed for hours, letting our girls entertain her and erase some of the loneliness of her day.  She really is the most lovely person. And see those little elfin slippers? I KNOW. Grandma Cheney found those in New York. I die every time I look at them.

The girls got incredibly spoiled this year. I had it TOTALLY under control. But then Black Friday came and swallowed a certain Daddy whole and suddenly we had a six foot teddy bear in our garage. I KNOW RIGHT? When we finished wrapping up Christmas the night before, we stood there shaking our heads, knowing it was too much, neither of us willing to relinquish our all star gift (him the giant bear, me the dollhouse I bought six months ago). But the morning of Christmas was so busy and full of fun that the dollhouse literally went unnoticed in the window. Before we knew it, we were out the door to Papa's, and we decided we'd open the dollhouse that night.

After our visit with Gram, as we drove home with the girls fast asleep in their seats, I said to Jess: "I'm going to put the dollhouse away. They really did get more than enough already. They can get it for their birthdays. We'll have a mid July dinner party, and they can get the dollhouse together." He protested because he knew that it was the gift I'd been waiting to give them for forever, but when I assured him I was totally serious, he agreed. 

So when we pulled into the garage (for Christmas I got A GARAGE, A GARAGE), Mrs. Grinch ran into the house, grabbed the dollhouse, and hid it. Where it remains to this day, waiting for July. Besides - what could be better than Christmas in July? 

merry christmas!

a bunch of stuff

So I have like ten posts in the draft phase. Really. My brain's exploding with Christmas cheer and happy baby photos. So let's sort of try to hit all the bases and as a bonus include a giant photo dump or two:

1. Thank you to all who have stopped by my Etsy shop this week (or forwarded on my name). The response has been awesome, and my most favorite thing has been the little messages that customers from around the world leave me when they purchase an item. It has literally restored my faith and belief in humanity. In the wake of something so completely awful, it's been completely fulfilling to see that good is still alive and strong. And winning.

I will continue to donate 100 percent of my proceeds to the United Way of Western Connecticut through December 23, 2012. You last minute Christmas shoppers, check out the printables. Print one of these babies out, slap 'em in a frame, and there you go. :) (The above print is by far my best selling print. And happens to be my favorite as well. I'm giving each of my girls one for Christmas for their rooms.)

2. We've done a truckload of Christmas activities this season. I want to do a complete review of all of them, but let me just say:

Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Red Neck Christmas on Steroids. I'm so glad we went in November because I think it would've sort of ruined the Christmas spirit in December. It's cool in it's light and fire display sort of way, but not my style. And not very reverent. Also I don't have a mullet. Which is actually a completely relevant point. 

Hale Centre Theatre's Christmas Carol: As always, this was beautiful. This year, we had front row seats, which made it even more amazing. If I had to choose one Christmas event to attend, this would be it. I cry like a baby every time and always leave feeling a little bit changed for the better and reminded of what's really important.

Zoo Lights at Hogle Zoo: So I've heard so many people poo-poo Zoo Lights and for that reason have never gone. But when my sister and mom came to town, we decided to give it a go. We happened to go on $3 off night (read: mass mayhem), but here's the thing: we loved it. Loved. So magical, so lovely. A week later, Jess and I took the girls again. Jess loved it and the girls were in twinkly heaven all over again. Seriously. (Although in these photos they look hilariously unamused. We die over their faces here because really, they LOVE ZOO LIGHTS.) Hogle Zoo does an awesome job in my opinion, and it's fun to see some of the Zoo animals snoozing (and a few nocturnal ones up and playing!).

Side note: It was SO FREEZING the night we went with Jess. I'm literally wearing an extra beanie (Lou's!) that was in the car. Trust me, it must've been freezing. I would never voluntarily wear a CAT on my head. Gag.

3. My sister is a saint. The Saturday they were here, we got a foot or so of snow. And the power was out. But don't you worry. Aunt Don Don built not one, but two snowmen with Annabelle. They were out in the frozen tundra land for a couple hours, and seriously. Look how cute they are - the snowmen and the girls. Love that Aunt Don Don.

4. Speaking of frozen tundra land. So most of my life, I've been hot. I'm just always sweating. When we figured out my thyroid, we realized that was a huge red flag that went unrecognized for a long time. Just recently, I switched my synthetic daily hormones to the name brand instead of generic to see if that might help regulate my thyroid (it's been yo-yoing along with my weight since I had Lou). Turns out, it made a GIANT difference. And guys HOW CAN YOU STAND BEING SO COLD ALL THE TIME? One day I said to Jess, "Is this how real people feel in the winter? Because I'M FREAKING DYING." So yeah, I feel ya. Winter is cold yo. I sleep in full blown sweats, hoodies, snow pants. What a cold world you've all been surviving in for so long.

5. Annabelle has taken to doing the dishes. SHE LOVES IT. Guys. Does she know that she'll be doing dishes for decades to come? I'm so not telling her. Sometimes having a daughter with OCD tendencies is AWESOME. She seriously does a bang up job. Granted, she's soaked from head to toe, along with my kitchen, but seriously. Love this kitchen helper. (P.S. Those counters won't live in this house much longer. Oh, the atrocity.)

Okay. "That's it" for now. I hope ya'll are having a lovely holiday season full of happy memories. :)

crafting for cause

 

First, I want to thank any of you that have ordered your Christmas cards through me. It has truly been my privilege. I have honestly loved creating happy products for people I love. And for strangers. It's been lovely to see something I made become real.

 

And now, for those of you haven't yet found the motivation to put together a Christmas card (like me! ha ha!), I've teamed up with Crafting For Cause to raise money for those affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting (donations will go to the United Way of Western Connecticut). If you buy a Christmas card (or anything from my shop) through December 23, 2012, I'll donate 100% of my proceeds to their fund. (For more information, and to see other vendors participating, check it out here.)

 

I've been wishing and praying for a way to do something to make a difference. This might be a little thing, but it's something, and I'm so happy to be a part of it.

 

Anyhow, I hope there are a few of you out who are procrastinators like me! And please feel free to forward this blog post on. :) Merry Christmas all y'all!

grief

The type of grief resting on our country right now is the kind that sits heavy. Like a cement blanket, immovable on your chest, sometimes making it difficult to breathe. Even being so far removed, the pain is tangible.

It's one of those things that we'll all get through even though we'll never really understand. But it's one of those things that will keep me awake at night from time to time for a long time, awake enough that I'll wander into each of my babies' rooms and stare at them for a while, maybe lay beside them and just breathe their smell in, Belle like her curly hair and Lou like baby lotion. Because she's still little enough to be slathered in it. And it's one of those things that will cause me no end of worry, no end of what ifs.

There aren't really words. But I want Connecticut to know that my heart aches for you. And my prayers are with you.

And I want my babies to know that I'm sorry for the world that lays ahead of them. But I want them to know and always remember that my heart is with them always and that inasmuch as I can, I will protect them and defend them and pray for them with every ounce that I am.

the most wonderful time of the year

So it's that time of year was diet restrictions are forgotten and health goals are the things we make in January. It's that time of year when all the best foods make their appearances. It's that time of year when my muffin top becomes a stylish accessory instead of unwelcome flab. As usual, I'm doing my part in consuming-consuming-consuming. Also, I've stopped running. It happened when we bought the house. I just haven't started again. You should see the size of my Reeses Trees thighs.

Anyhow. You should eat these:

 

1. Silk Seasonal Nog: I mention it every year. This year I've purposely not mentioned it until now because every year it sells out. And I'm pretty sure it's because all five of you rush to the store and buy it all after reading about how delicious egg nog can be WITHOUT RAW EGGS.

2. UNREAL candy. Guys, they're seriously, for lack of a better word, unreal. Try the chocolate peanut butter cups. For you Trader Joe's aficionados, these taste like their peanut butter cups.  And if you've tried those, you know what I'm talking about. Unreal. Unlike Reeses. BETTER than Reeses. Probably because TJ and Unreal make them similarly, without preservatives and junk, as they call it. I'd like to say that I initially tried these for all their good healthy unjunk benefits. But actually I just tried them because I'm a sucker for new chocolate. I hate their price tag because they're ridiculous and I just keep buying them anyway. But guys. They're practically HEALTHY.

3. Classic Tomato Soup, from Mel's Kitchen Cafe. Okay, so I've mentioned this blog like six hundred times. And I pretty much consider her my BFF. Even though she doesn't know me from Adam. Creepy? Maybe. But I just really love her recipe blog. EVERYTHING is good. And so many things are either gluten free or easily adaptable. This tomato soup is so delish. I've made it several times in the last few weeks. Hint: I use half an onion. But if you're a fan of onion, you'll want to keep the whole thing. I just like onion to be more subtle. We usually serve with grilled cheese sandwiches or quesadillas. Oh, and it's really good the next day too. Just good.

So go forth and eat. Because January will be here all too soon. :)

scenes from a move

Thanks to Veggie Tales, Blue's Clues, the Cheney Army, infrequent washings of my hair, Chick-Fil-A, and two air mattresses, we're in. Let me say that in other words: WE LIVE IN A HOUSE.

 

It's sometimes surreal, but we love it. It was perhaps the most chaotic week of our lives, but we survived. Let me lay it out for you:

Saturday, November 24: The paint is finished. It looks AHHHHHmazing. Later that day, the Cheney Army moves almost our entire apartment (save random junk, the kitchen, two air mattresses and the girls' beds) into the garage and tiled areas of our house. We (read: Jess) decided to do this last minute and we were literally throwing stuff in boxes the morning of the move. If you know me, you know this kind of chaos gives me ultra anxiety. I get acne just thinking about that day.

Monday, November 26: The carpet is installed. It too looks wonderful. We took a leap and chose a dark carpet. I couldn't love it more.

Tuesday-Thursday, November 27-29: We continue moving random bits of junk (seriously guys, JUNK, what is all this crap?) to the house. On Thursday, I take the girls to the house equipped with the Kindle and a mini DVD player. They allow technology to entertain - ah hem - educate them and I move everything that was stuck in the kitchen back down to the garage to make room for the appliances arriving the next day.

 

Friday, November 30: We (read: Jess) finishes moving EVERYTHING (save cleaning items) out of the apartment. He was a work horse. I made sure our children stayed alive. Lifting boxes? I'll pass. Later that day the appliances are installed. We sleep for the first time in OUR OWN HOUSE.

 

Saturday, December 1: Our Black Friday sectional is delivered. I spend five hours cleaning our apartment. Um yeah. I prefer to just block that out of my memory.

 

Sunday, December 2-current: We've been decorating for Christmas and unpacking and finding random bits of treasure in boxes. Like this lovely straw hat (from Annabelle's birthday party in July). And hanging curtains. Because the neighbors can see us everywhere. Except the hallway upstairs, which is where we do all our changing. It's kind of awesome. Like our own little changing room.

 

To say that this house is a blessing is a major understatement. I have waited for SO LONG to move. Until the right time, until everything was right. And this house, which we saw on a whim and threw in a ridiculously low ball bid, was seriously meant to be. It's a twin home, which isn't our ideal, but it doesn't seem to matter. It has the space we need. And it has views of the valley and the mountains. It's as though this house was made for us, and we couldn't be happier.

The girls can jump and dance and play without a thought. There are no downstairs neighbors ready to pounce (and seriously - our downstairs neighbors were awful). The girls are often getting lost in the deep corners of the rooms because, hey, there are rooms! I've found Belle asleep in the most random places, something she has never done in her life. Ever. And at night, even though we're still unpacking and their stuff isn't all located, they sleep. Soundly. Without blinds or curtains. Something Lou hasn't done for months. It's as though our souls have settled into home. There's a sort of peace that just rests about us, even amid the chaos.

 

It's such a beautiful relief to be here. I'm so grateful to have this holiday season with my family in my house. Happy holidays all.