when i grow up

So as you all know, I'm a somewhat avid American Idol watcher. (Avid in that I avidly forward through Danny Noriega. Seriously? Although I do covet his bangs.) And I realized that it may seem like I'm really kind of obsessed, especially with David A.

But this is the honest truth. (As opposed to the lying truth.)

As my sisters will be more than happy to tell you, as a small, albeit big banged, child, I honestly wanted to be a singer (and a dancer) when I grew up. There were other career aspirations too, of course. Take a photographer for example. I took this one pretty seriously. Upon my enrollment at Dixie College, I had every intention of pursuing that dream. I enrolled in the introductory course, listened to the instructor ramble on about the small facility we were dealing with for several classes, all the while being puzzled regarding the gender of said instructor.

Then two things happened: (1) I realized that I wouldn't always have a cute boy to get to do my darkroom work (I have zero dark room vision, and digital was just barely making its debut), and (2) Because I'm rather naive (and my car locks were manual, making it oh-so-difficult), I usually left my doors unlocked, and my camera was stolen - my precious Canon Rebel, gone. I had to drop the class. Bye bye career. Bye bye he/she teacher. But being without my camera helped me realize that it wasn't really my niche at all. I needed a niche with a little more light.

But I digress. So I really did want to be a singer. I used to do performances for my friends, belting Debbie Gibson at the top of my lungs (no wonder I had few friends). I'd make my little sisters do dance concerts with me, that of course I choreographed (we like to recall the one where I literally made Kristen run in circles around me). But the fact of the matter is, I kind of have a man voice. It's true. So the whole singing dream (and my two left feet killed the dancing portion) sort of got killed by sheer lack of talent.

But I still love singing. And music. Good music and a good voice - ah, nothing better. I love hearing amazing voices. I love listening to the words of songs. I love how a song can hold memories, can transport you to a different time and place. Like when I hear "24," by Switchfoot, I'm instantly on a family vacation in Cape Cod. I'd always wanted to go there, one of those dream places for me. And at the expense of the rest of the family, my dad indulged me. And that song reminds me that I was there.

And so while I will absolutely admit that watching the auditions is mostly comical, there's something in my soul that smiles when someone makes it to Hollywood. When they choose the perfect song. When they hit all the notes. Because they're notes that I won't ever hit.

At least not that anyone will hear. That's between me and the RAV. And my long lost dreams.

P.S. Watched the girls last night. For the most part, nothing to write home about. :)