house hunting humor

So we're trying to find a place to live when we move back to Utah. And doing it from North Carolina is something like a bad blonde joke: NOT FUNNY. You try convincing someone that even though you're not in the state and you can't meet with them, you really do want to rent their home. Whatever. So far, I've tracked down a couple large refrigerator boxes. They look cozy.

So I'm constantly perusing Craig's List and KSL Classifieds for something, right? Well, I stumbled upon this condo in Bountiful that looked really great - new, beautiful wood floors, only shared one wall, views of the valley (and the petroleum plant). But it was only $500 a month. That's less than we pay now. For something considerably larger. And nicer. Not to mention that the price is substantially lower than its comparables. I thought it looked too good to be true, so I emailed the poster asking when it was available, if the price was per week or month, etc.

The response we received changed our view on house hunting long distance dramatically. Suddenly IT'S HILARIOUS.

So I get this response that starts, "Hello Dear." Listen, I'm nobody's dear. But it only got better. The responder (I guess I'll allow her to remain anonymous) then went on to say that she was in West Africa (with the keys and documents to the house to boot) on a mission for God. Now, I have nothing against missions for God. As a Latter-Day Saint (Mormon), I actually fully support and believe in missionary work. Our nineteen-year old boys serve missions around the world, our women head off when they're twenty-one, and we have gobs of grandmas and grandpas spreading the good word as well. It's an extraordinary work, no matter whose church you belong to, a selfless and dedicated act that I completely respect.

But what got hilarious was when she went on to promise me that "if you take care of our house, the GOD of our father of faith abraham will never let you down" (all punctuation marks or lack thereof and grammar mistakes are those of the missionary's).

Forget keeping the commandments. I'm just going to rent this condo and call it good.