the right formula

I've written a couple potential posts about breast feeding and how hard it is and how I've been a few minutes away from losing my mind for most of the last several weeks. And how it wasn't just affecting me, but how Annabelle was beginning to suffer, about how I spent so much time feeding Lydia, Belle would lay next to me and cry. And then so would I. And then about how I started using formula with Lydia and how it changed our lives dramatically in all the best ways.

But the hard thing about breast feeding {or not} is how personal it is. I know it is because this is ridiculously personal to me, but probably not for the reasons you'd expect it to be: I'm happy that we've found a way that works for us that isn't exclusive breast feeding (we do both). Adding formula to Lydia's life has made her a happy baby. She doesn't whine all day because her tummy is constantly empty. She doesn't scream when she's not being held. She's content to be by herself sometimes. She coos and goos and smiles so big her face disappears.

 All those smile photos you've seen on this blog? All taken after formula was introduced to her life.

So because there really is so much to say about this topic I'm going to try and say very little. Just this: every mom and baby and family has to do it their way. And they shouldn't feel bad about it, whatever way it is.

I, for one, am so grateful that life took a turn for the better before I had to be committed to a mental facility. I'm finally really enjoying having two babies. Like really reveling in the minutes and seconds that tick by. I'd wondered what was so different this time around. I mean, I loved my babies and still loved being a mom, but this was so much harder and more exhausting. The feelings of inadequacy were devastating really, and I wondered how I was ever going to make this work. And so I did things a different way. And I'm truly, honestly loving being a mom of two now, just as I knew I would. It's still not easy; in fact, my bathroom is several shades of disgusting and I still rarely wash my hair. But it's wonderful.

And to see this face...

...every day has made it all worth it.