Sunday, May 9, 2010

motherhood is

Before I had Annabelle, motherhood was my most ambitious goal, something I longed for with everything in me. I felt as though motherhood was a bit of a caged animal - trapped inside, just waiting for a baby to come out. Now, I realize that motherhood is so much more.

So much more. 

Motherhood is watching the rise and fall of your baby's chest, your ears listening for raspy breaths of sleep in the night. Motherhood is having a constant companion, one who does not share your agenda, but whose agenda you mold your life around. It is a guessing game, a constant yo-yoing of "maybe this, maybe that." Motherhood is a privilege and a blessing felt in the quietest corners of your soul. Motherhood is the ability to hear meaning in a cry. Motherhood is mastering the five minute shower, a quick shave included. Motherhood is a deep love, beyond description, the most selfless love you've ever known. It is the knowledge that you would give and do anything for another person. Motherhood is the ability to peel yourself out of bed in the middle of the night because your baby is hungry or sad or cranky. 

Motherhood is accepting that half your closet has become obsolete. Motherhood is the patience to be content with a life undone, an apartment not completely spotless. It is never getting one thing done and always multitasking. Motherhood is the ability to love without reason - I believe that if everyone acted as a mother, the world would know a different peace, patience, and beauty. Motherhood is balancing twelve grocery bags and a baby carrier up two flights of stairs. It is a bursting pride in small accomplishments - a smile, a wave, first steps without help. Motherhood is an aching hip and increasingly tired arms. Motherhood is fulfilled exhaustion. Motherhood is love at its finest, an unconditional type of love.

Motherhood isn't what I expected at all. It is more. How grateful I am to my mother for allowing me to experience this thing we call motherhood. I know she hated being pregnant maybe as much as me. But I also know why she agreed to do it four times over. Because motherhood is more than a simple goal or an objective. It is perhaps one of the most loaded words I've ever known. From my mother, I've learned that motherhood is forever. And among the many things that motherhood is, this is what I treasure most.


Sare said...

"fulfilled exhaustion"... I love that description. So true, so true.

Riss said...

You look so pretty, Sooh.


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