rock-a-bye

You forget how tiring a newborn is. Actually, I didn't really forget. I just forgot the depth of exhaustion. I think it has something to with the fact that this time around is more exhausting. In the first place, we have a toddler who likes to cry at night sometimes too (she's doing much better lately, however), plus I'm breast feeding. And no offense to you breast feeding fans, but it's exhausting and much more work than the formula route. I don't have to stumble around in the dark building a bottle, but on the other hand, I feel like this baby eats three times as much as Annabelle did. I don't think she's literally consuming more food, I just think that it's harder to fill up from a boob than a bottle. Plus, a bottle is measured and I can see what is going into my baby's belly, which makes it much easier on both mommy and baby. I'm not giving up breast feeding; I'm just saying that there are definitely pros to formula feeding. And I miss it.

Anyhow, the exhaustion. Boy howdy. We also have a new baby, a new model different than the first (although identical in appearance). We're constantly reminded of this, mostly in her yelps and screams. Where Annabelle was ridiculously (and abnormally) nice and quiet (and she started sleeping through the night - voluntarily - at two months, yeah, NOT NORMAL), this one likes to squeal. Adding to the problem is that her squeals are generally only quelched by mama. Boob or no boob, she just wants Mommy usually. Cue more exhaustion. But here's how I'm coping:

1. I cry a lot. Mostly just because I'm so tired and can't think of anything else to do.

2. I bought a Moby Wrap. If this kid needs to be snuggled all day, I'll just have to fake her out. That way I can have my arms too. Also, it's going to make grocery shopping and getting the groceries up the stairs so much easier.

3. I'm drinking a buttload of Diet Dr Pepper. I feel like in two weeks I've made up for the nine months of what I didn't drink while I was pregnant. I realize my consumption is a tad on the high side, but I. don't. care. This is me coping. And coping tastes goooood.

4. I rarely wash my hair. This cuts back on any getting ready time. A sharp contrast to the weeks before I was due when I washed and did my hair perfectly every single day, "just in case" I went into labor. Oh, vanity. As it turns out, it went exactly according to plan and all that hair doing was totally unnecessary.

5. I'm going back to the pregnancy "diet." (Plus DP as my abstaining from caffeine wasn't part of the diet, just a personal preference during pregnancy.)

When I was pregnant and miserable, switching to the boring diet made me feel infinitely better. It made my body stronger; I had more energy. And I think it gives me the ability to cope with my raging hormones - then pregnancy ones, now post partum ones - better. The fact of the matter is, I'm a little nutty after I give birth. And exhausted. Nutty plus exhausted equals certifiable. And I'm guessing that getting my body back to healthy will likely help in a huge way. I truly do feel horrible when I eat all that sugar and white flour. I love all that sugar and white flour, but for now, I've got to lay off. I'm hoping my ability to cope improves, and I'm really hoping that my energy is reserved for those late nights when one or the other of my babies needs a love.

This is Lydia. Because I bet it crossed at least one Grandma or Auntie's mind to question this baby's identity.