lovely

Jess has a desktop screensaver set up on our computer that shuffles through some of the best of his photos. This morning, I looked over and saw this:

And I was just a little bit overwhelmed with how beautiful this lovely earth is. With how lovely everything is. This Christmas season has been wonderful for me. Last year was hard. I was in my first trimester of Lydia, and I wasn't well - in body or spirit. So this year has been so refreshing and quite honestly, a little bit amazing. Every little thing means so much more this year, the lights, the sugar cookies, the Christmas tree, the tiny baby Jesus and his brave mommy, Mary (oh, my heart). I've been sort of absent from my blog because I've been busy Christmasing. And enjoying my little girls. They are maybe the sweetest things on earth, and sharing Christmas with babies is some kind of magic. Annabelle is starting to understand some concepts, and having a new baby around during the holiday season...well, there really isn't anything better.

So. All of this to say, I'm simply grateful. Life really is beautiful. Amid the shuffling and even amid the heartache that we all experience in one way or another, it's quite lovely. And I'm simply grateful.

PHOTO: The Great Smokies, sunrise. I don't believe any post processing occurred either. (We don't even own Photoshop.)

another white bites the dust

My mom makes her grandbabies oodles of crocheted things before they're born. They arrive home to blankets and booties and sweaters and hats and a blessing dress (or five if it's Annabelle and she just keeps growing out of them) and little snuggly blanket squares. All crocheted from the same ridiculously soft yarn. And all ridiculously beautiful. She's a busy woman. I'm really not sure how she finds the time to outfit these babies, but she does. And their mommies are ever so grateful.

As it has been documented, Annabelle took a particular liking to the white blanket she was brought home in. Girl loves that blanky more than any other earthly possession. Although I don't allow it to accompany us into stores or on errands, it's often waiting patiently in the car. And even when my mom crocheted her a second white blanket in the hopes that having two would slow the decay of the first, she won't budge. She uses the second one, but she loves blanky. Blanky makes her happy. It makes her brave. It makes scary things fade. It heals owies. It even assisted in potty training (she held it, rolled up in a tight ball, to make her feel brave, and now that we're past the fear, she leaves blanky at the door). The other day, when a friend hurt her feelings, it was only being wrapped up in mommy's arms with blanky around her head that she could forget the mean things that had happened.

When Lou was born, I was dead set on not allowing another baby to destroy that pretty white blanket. She came home in it, and then I promptly folded it at the end of her bed and decided that the pretty light blue/tealish one was the one she would love. Little turkey didn't. She took a liking to the minky type of blanky for a while, but whenever I'd take the white blanket out (for church or photos), she would light up and practically dance. She'd grab it from behind her head and wrap her face up, just like her sister did and does. When you'd peek at her in the blanket, she'd be grinning and happy as a mommy who got a whole night of sleep. Eventually I realized something: this beautiful blanket was doing nothing sitting there folded except staying white. And so I relented. I think it has something to do with the stitch of the blanket, but just like her sister, she laces her fingers (and toes) through the blanket and swims in all that softness.

Yesterday, I thought I'd see if I could just get her to like the blue one. I just really wanted to give the white blanket a shot at you know, STAYING WHITE. Plus, I love that teal one. And it's never too early to start pushing personal preferences on your children, right? 

Here she is with said blanket, just a few weeks old.

She seemed fine through the day with the new blanket, but when it came time for bed, she started pitching a fit. This is rather customary for her, and the night time fit is generally just a last ditch effort to not go to sleep. She usually gives up quickly, takes her binky, and goes to sleep. But not last night. Last night she was arching her back and yelling and seriously mad. Sometimes I think babies can't use words until they're a little older because if they could as infants, it would be chiefly obscenities. I was a little worried as I can customarily get her to settle quickly, but I was having no luck. I thought maybe she just wanted her bed as she is pretty keen on snuggling up and drifting off to sleep by herself. But that made things much worse. And suddenly I had the thought, "Just give her her blanket."

Oh.

I scooped up that sad little thing, wrapped her in the white, soft blanket full of love, she nestled her head in, and she immediately went to sleep. I am not lying. I'm relatively sure my mother crochets some sort of invisible airborne drug that my children become addicted to into those blankets. There is truly something magic about them. All day she's been happy as a clam, her fingers laced through her blanket at all times. And I promised her I'd never take it away again. Except maybe when she's twenty. And her roommates think she's awkward. But until then, she's free to be safe and loved in that pretty white {for now} blanket.

smile

So I'd be lying if I said every day was super awesome, that I'm super happy all the time. The truth of the matter is, sometimes I'm pretty irrational. Sometimes I make no sense. Sometimes tears are more common than smiles. And it isn't because I have a sad life. On the contrary. I have a lovely life really. I think it mostly has to do with hormonal imbalances that my body is continually reconciling. For the most part, I'm relatively normal. I'm blessed to have doctors monitoring me monthly and synthetic hormones to do the job that my thyroid cannot. But on the days when things are out of whack, I can feel it. Thankfully, I've learned to just wait it out. I've learned that I'll come back around.

 

And thankfully, I have my babies around to keep me in check. It's honestly pretty hard to be sad when I stop listening to my brain and just focus on them. One thing I've been incredibly grateful for is this tiny girl's smiles. She doesn't smile with just her mouth. She smiles with her whole face, and it's contagious. There have been many times where I'm nearing an irrational breakdown, and that great big gummy smile happens. You simply cannot look at this face and not smile back.

 

Go ahead, give it a try. Bet you're smiling already...

 

 

it's been said

{while trying to describe which song from Sound of Music she wants}

Belle: I want Maria to sing without her hat.

Me: Um, it's a movie. We can't make her take off her hat.

Belle: No, I want her to sing without her hat, sing So Long.

Me: You want the Cuckoo Song?
Belle: {getting ridiculously exasperated with me}

NO. THE SONG WITHOUT THE HAT THAT THEY SING SO LONG.

Me: Oh! {realizing which scene she probably meant} This one?

Belle: Yes Mommy! I know bout what I'm talking about!

+

Mommy, your hair is long. My hair is...small?

+

Mom! What happened! Is the top of my head missing?

{after looking at a photo where the top of her head is cut off}

+

Day gonna hang out and have a blessing. {her nativity people}

+

{after Jess picks up his scriptures to read one morning}

Belle: No Daddy! Don't read the scriptures!

Jess: Um, why not?

Belle: Daddy don't read the scriptures! I don't want to go to bed!

{because we always read scriptures together at night before bed}

+

Me: Who's your favorite Mommy?

Belle: Daddy!

{awesome}

+

{to Lydia} Hey little creature!

+

{while playing with a little toy car} This car is a HUGE LAWNMOWER!

+

{in reference to her Great Grandma Cheney}

Grammy's little. She's just my size.

{cute...}

+

{in reference to a short lady at Target}

Look Mommy! That lady's just my size!

{awkward...}

+

Brown paper packages tied up wif...kittens...

 {My Favorite Things in Sound of Music)}

+

I want to listen to I Have Competence.

{I Have Confidence in Sound of Music}

+

{after I give her a roll and start scooping up her soup}

Belle: Thank you Mommy.

Me: For what?

Belle: Thank you for making dis dinner. It's goooood.

+

Belle: Here Mommy. Have one of my candies.

{I take a Skittle.}

Belle: Thank you for taking a candy from my hand!

+

{while she whines because I won't let her have something}

Me: What's wrong?

Belle: I want you to make me happy Mommy!

+

Lehi has germs on his face.

{in reference to his beard}

two pies

I went to a baby shower for a friend the other day. She's having her second baby, so she was asking those of us who had two (or more) how the transition was. We started talking about how your heart literally grows, that you really do love the second as much as you love the first (something that seems so impossible beforehand). And one of my friends described it perfectly:

"While I was pregnant with my second, I pictured my love as one pie that I'd have to split in half," and she traced in the air a circle. "Each baby would get some of the pie, and it would be my job to make it even." She split the air pie in half with her finger. "What I didn't realize is I wouldn't have to split that pie at all; I'd actually just have two pies." And she held one imaginary pie in each hand.

It's the absolute truth. My heart is two pies - each baby gets her own. It's beautiful and lovely, and perfectly amazing. When I had Annabelle, my heart practically ached with all the happiness that was going on. I didn't think I could know more happiness. Indeed, I do. That Lou is her own little pie. And I love it just as much as the first.

nativity

We pulled out the Fisher Price nativity set the other day. And it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas 'round here. Belle spends considerable time each day organizing the set, putting things and people in their places. I often find each person in their bed asleep, along with all the animals on their sides as well, because of course, they're sleeping too. Once, she gathered all the people around baby Jesus and told me he was having a blessing (like her baby sister's blessing a few weeks ago).

Lou, for her part, is enjoying devouring the camels...

....although she occasionally pauses to...ah hem...use the facilities...

...then resumes camel consumption.

I'm so glad we have a toy that actually reminds us why we celebrate Christmas. It isn't red and jolly, it doesn't twinkle or make noise, but Annabelle is learning the story of baby Jesus and loving every minute. And Lou Lou is just happy to have something to gnaw on.

oh-see-dee

So she's got a little OCD going on. Have I mentioned that? I mean, mostly she's a regular kid depositing babies and toys and socks and whatever she might find intriguing at the moment all over the apartment. But sometimes she has moments...

Yeah. Not normal. I love that she not only lines them up, but also folds them so precisely.

I wonder where she gets this from. Certainly not from the parent who plans a party with a multi-sheet spreadsheet. Certainly not the parent who can't sleep unless her t-shirt matches her pajama pants.

Certainly not. :)

the green dinosaur

At 5:15 this morning, I was very sharply awakened by Annabelle's piercing scream. She was terrified. This wasn't a lonely or hungry cry. This was fear. I literally ran into her room where she was waiting with arms up for someone to rescue her. When she finally settled down, she was able to tell me what was wrong: "A green dinosaur chouched me. He chouched me on my neck." A nightmare.

I explained that there wasn't a dinosaur anywhere, that it was just Mommy, Daddy, and Lydia in the house. But she was sure. She looked around her room for the green dinosaur and told me again and again that the green dinosaur "chouched" her neck. I took her into both Daddy's and Lydia's room to show her that they were safe and sleeping. I gave her some milk and told her she was safe. When I put her back in bed she started to whimper and cry and frantically begged me to go see Daddy "so he won't fall."

I took her into our room, where she got wrapped up in a two-sided snuggle and assured that Daddy was okay, that there wasn't a green dinosaur, that she was safe in our snuggles. Wrapped up in Daddy's arms, she was able to fall back asleep. But only then.

When she woke up a few hours later, I didn't mention the dinosaur, not wanting to remind her and figuring she would have dismissed it from her sleepy memory. Not so. About an hour after she woke up, she suddenly recalled it. And she recalled more details: "The green dinosaur was on Lichelle's {my mom} stairs. He was in a box. And he was crawling like this. He said, 'Ggggrraaawr!' and I cried at its face, and it chouched my neck. I said, 'Don Don.' I was looking for Don Don {my sister, to save her I assume}." And she keeps telling me about it. No amount of persuasion will convince her that the green dinosaur does not exist: "No, Mommy. I sawd it! It chouched me!" She keeps mentioning it, and we keep talking about how she's safe and I will never let a green dinosaur get her.

It kind of breaks my heart that she knows how to be afraid. We do our very best to protect her and shield her from the dark things of this world. She'll get to them soon enough, and honestly I don't think a two year old can be too sheltered. But something* crept into her mind and turned into something scary. I hope she knows that as long as we are able, we will protect and defend her. I hope she knows that there will be scary things in life, but that we will always always be there to hug the scariness away.

* I'm guessing the green dinosaur came from Toy Story. He's not even a scary dinosaur, yet her mind knew to change him into one. So interesting as we don't have TV or dinosaur movies or even dinosaur toys.

Photos by dc photography.

belated thanksgiving

We had decided we'd go to St. George for Thanksgiving if my sister had delivered her baby by Wednesday (the day before). If she hadn't, I was going to wait until she popped and then head down. Rissa went into labor Sunday night (before Thanksgiving). After an agonizing Monday spent staring at my phone, practically willing it to announce that baby's birth, little Lise was here. And so off we went.

On Thanksgiving morning, long before the sane humans had even thought of waking, Jess was on the road to Bryce Canyon. He caught sunrise...

...and then "a few" other shots like this...

We loved on the new little baby...

I just want to say that I wouldn't be at all sad if I aged like this woman does.
She's my mother. Not my sister. Just a clarification there. ;)

We had our traditional meal of untraditional Thanksgiving food because really, who needs a turkey when you can just eat carb-loaded homemade rolls? I discovered and cultivated a new love of Jalapeno Cheetos (seriously - don't try them if you don't want to gain a few pounds of Cheetos weight). And on Friday, Jess and I hit some Black Friday sales.  Annabelle entertained us with her randomisms...

Belle: I want my roll back Daddy.

Jess: Where is it?

Belle: In Miley's mowf. {the dog}

And Lou entertained us with her baldness...

But mostly, we just sat around giggling til our guts hurt. (Or was that the inordinate amount of rolls I consumed?) And we just had the most lovely time. If driving alone with two babies didn't give me ulcers and a nice sheet of acne, I'd be back tomorrow.

As close to a family photo as we could get.
My husband was with his other wife. His camera.

 

Photos of the girls by dc photography.

little miss annalise

My baby sister had her baby. After something like 24 hours of labor (although she'll only concede like 14) and pretty much going through world war womb, Rissa got to meet her sweet Annalise Lichelle. (The first name is just pretty. The middle is my mom's. Together, it's just beautiful I think.)

She's a little beauty. And oh that hair. Ack!  

I know, right? I spent considerable time petting and coveting that mohawk. My poor bald babies.

I'm so happy for Rissa and Carl. And I'm so unbelievably proud of Rissa. They make a beautiful little family. And they made a most beautiful little baby.